tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7588328928227524790.post1513884564230535442..comments2023-07-09T19:59:16.047+01:00Comments on Journeys of heart and mind: The place of womenChris Jefferieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07024046243018838005noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7588328928227524790.post-25052667271688598382012-11-28T00:07:57.475+00:002012-11-28T00:07:57.475+00:00Hi Lily, divorce is hopefully a last resort, and t...Hi Lily, divorce is hopefully a last resort, and there is guidance in the New Testament about it. But hopefully, where both the wife and the husband are willing, it's possible to rescue the situation.<br><br>We are called to respect one another and to be humble. In other words we must always put the other person's needs ahead of our own. That's not just in marriage, that's the standard Jesus calls us to in every part of our lives, in and beyond the church. That sort of respect and humility is clearly missing in the situations you shared in your comment.<br><br>If a husband or a wife is wilfully putting the other partner in danger or treating them unkindly, the first need is for safety (getting people out of harm's way) followed quickly by practical help, advice and prayer.<br><br>Helping people going through this sort of distress isn't easy, but it is necessary and worth it. It means listening (not just giving advice) it means getting alongside, understanding, encouraging, praying, reassuring and persevering. It may take a lot of time.<br><br>But if no believing friends can be found to come close and sacrificially pour out their own lives to help, it's more likely that the marriage will fail. It's worth mentioning that dealing with problems early on is far better and more helpful than waiting until the trouble is deep and has a long history.<br><br>As brothers and sisters in Christ we should all have people around us we can turn to. I know this isn't always the case, but that's a failure of church life. The best people to help are usually close friends who have already proved trustworthy, wise and caring. If these are hard to find in church, then church itself is thoroughly unwell and needs healing.<br><br><br><br>None of the things I have written should permit abusive behaviour to go unchallenged. And obviously I can't advise on specific, individual cases; local help is always best if the right kind of friends can be found.<br><br><br>My prayer is that anyone (wife or husband) who is going through abuse or distress will find peace, comfort and joy in Papa. He's wiser than anyone else and he does hear when we call out to him.<br><br><br>Grace and peace to you Lily, and thanks for leaving a comment.Chrishttp://blog.scilla.org.uk/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7588328928227524790.post-23617359318170644762012-11-27T18:29:42.011+00:002012-11-27T18:29:42.011+00:00The world says walk away from an abusive husband. ...The world says walk away from an abusive husband. The church says stay with him and keep on forgiving him and allow God to use the experience to refine you into the person you should be so you can be the best wife that you can be. <br><br>You are to do what you are told when you are told how you are told no questions asked. If he says disinfect a roof tile or a wheelbarrow then you do it. If he says do not touch the papers he put on the settee then you do not touch them you let them sit there year after year. <br><br>I am not the only one who suffered in this way.I have seen someone in tears after being given a telling off by the church leadership for disobeying her husband. Her crime. She had food in the freezer and refused to switch it off when her husband told her to. What was worse was that at the time her husband was detained in hospital under the mental health act. The church found out after someone told her mother in law about the situation and the mother in law had complained to the church leadership about her terrible daughter in law. When the hospital staff found out they laughed at the church saying that their patient could not make a sensible decision to save his own life so why should his wife be submissive to him. <br><br>The church leadership's idea was that if only they could get a wife to become all that she should be then her husband would seek the counsel of the church to sort himself out. Great theory but an abused wife is allowing herself to be abused because she does not value herself and encouraging her to submit can further damage her sense of self-worth. On top of that blaming her for her husband not seeking help further reduces her sense of self-worth so it becomes a self-defeating cycle. <br><br>Yet God in his mercy can encourage the abusive unbelieving husband to murder the relationship by divorce rather than allowing the marriage to continue. Thankfully not all churches look on divorce in horror. Some are realistic enough to see divorce in such circumstances as an answer to prayer for the protection of one of their own. Far better to murder the relationship than the wife. After all Matthew says it is only humans who are not to pull apart a marriage. Sometimes God arranges circumstances that bring a marriage to an end if the horror of divorce is genuinely the best thing for one of His children.Lilynoreply@blogger.com